The Hidden Cost of Keeping Up Appearances: Why Men Stay Silent About Financial Struggles - Breaking the Cycle

 

Many of the clients I meet in the UAE look, on the surface, like they’re thriving. They earn high salaries, live in beautiful villas, drive expensive cars, and send their children to the best schools. But once we start unpacking their finances and their mental state a very different story emerges.

Recently, a client came to me after working with another firm. On paper, everything seemed perfect: – AED 120,000 per month salary,  45,000 GBP in a tax-efficient structure, fully paid-off home in the UK, Life and critical illness cover already in place, Living in a luxury villa in Dubai.

It sounded like a textbook success story.

But when we dug into the details, the reality was shocking:

£300,000 in credit card debt and £108,000 per year in interest alone

Monthly expenses far exceeding income, with no plan to reverse the trend and on track to add another £100,000 to his debt over the next five years if nothing changed

For him, the situation felt hopeless. When we sat down, I went through six months of bank statements, line by line. It became clear that the problem wasn’t just financial. It was psychological. Holidays, luxury cars, premium memberships, fine dining — none of it had been adjusted despite the mounting debt. Even as he felt the weight of it growing, he kept spending to maintain an image of success.

Why Didn’t He Just Stop?

On the outside looking in, it seems simple. Cut back. Scale down. Have an honest conversation with the family.

But that rarely happens — particularly with men. In my experience, many men silently absorb the pressure of their family’s lifestyle. They feel that admitting financial difficulty is admitting failure and so they keep paying... keep smiling... and keep spiraling deeper into debt.

They’ll cover the holidays, the private schools, the dinners and gifts, often without saying a word. They justify it to themselves as protecting their loved ones from worry. But the cost is immense: Constant anxiety and shame, sleep issues, health problems, and burnout, biggest of all the Emotional distancen this causes from their families as the stress builds

And because it’s invisible — because no one talks about it — it perpetuates.

The Reality Behind the Illusion

In a city like Dubai, it’s easy to assume that everyone else has it all figured out. You see colleagues and friends upgrading cars, buying homes, brunching every weekend — and you wonder, what are they doing that I’m not?

The truth is: many of them aren’t doing better. They’re just hiding it better.

Statistics paint a sobering picture: – Over 50% of UAE residents spend more than they earn, often relying on credit cards and loans – Around 70% of expats leave the UAE with no savings, despite earning more than they would back home – The lifestyle that seems so effortless from the outside is often propped up by debt

The cultural silence around money — and especially around male vulnerability — makes it worse. Everyone is pretending.

The Mental Toll of Financial Strain

Financial pressure isn’t just a number—it takes a serious emotional and psychological toll. Here's what the research shows:

  • Individuals in problem debt are more than three times as likely to consider suicide than those debt-free—13% vs. 4% annually.
  • Financial stress increases suicide risk dramatically: people under severe financial hardship are 20 times more likely to attempt suicide.
  • The relationship between financial worries and psychological distress is well-established: subjective money worries are significantly linked to symptoms of depression, anxiety, and burnout.
  • In the UAE, a staggering 89% of residents report experiencing stress—with the cost of living being the primary cause.
  • Regional patterns show that financial downturns correlate closely with rising male suicide rates; after economic shocks, male suicide rates historically spike more sharply
  • Mental illness affects approximately 15% of people in GCC countries annually—and stigma around seeking help remains a major barrier .

Why It Matters

These aren’t abstract stats—they represent real lives under strain. Men, in particular, are less likely to seek mental or financial help. The pressure to appear successful, while struggling in silence, has both fiscal and fatal consequences.

If you're carrying debt in silence, you’re not just risking money—you’re risking your health and well-being. Financial wellness isn’t just about wealth—it’s about health.

Breaking the Cycle

There is a way forward — but it begins with acknowledging the problem. You cannot solve what you refuse to look at.

It means confronting the reality of your finances honestly. It means having difficult conversations with your family about priorities. It means accepting that your value as a husband, father, or provider does not depend on projecting an illusion of endless wealth.

And it means getting help when you need it — not because you’re weak, but because facing it alone is far harder.

A Final Thought

There is nothing admirable about suffering in silence. Pretending everything is fine while drowning in debt doesn’t protect your family — it risks their future along with yours.

What struck me most about that client was not the debt, but the loneliness. For years he had been carrying it alone, convincing himself he could fix it quietly, convincing himself his family would judge him if they knew.

They didn’t. When we laid everything out and came up with a plan, the relief was immediate.

Money is emotional. But it doesn’t have to be isolating. There is always a way out — and it starts with honesty.

Lets change the narrative, if you are struggling financially don't keep quiet. If you are struggling financially it's okay to open up. If you are struggling financially seek advice.

The role of a financial advisor is not to invest people's money. It's to fix and advise on finances, it's to find a way out, it's to find the silver lining and the light at the end of the tunnel. Don't suffer in silence. Speak to someone.

https://outlook.office365.com/book/SkyboundWealthManagement4@skyboundwealth.com/s/GxL75GQxr0KaVOmhTMCyZg2?ismsaljsauthenabled=true

#mentalhealth #wealthishealth #reachout

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